“Confidence is sexy!” You’ve almost certainly heard some variation on this phrase at some point. Perhaps you’ve heard that it doesn’t matter how you look or how experienced you are in the bedroom, as your confidence is the main thing that will turn your partner on. I’m a big fan of sexual confidence. In my experience, it can both make you a better lover and make your own experience of sex more positive and pleasurable. But confidence is complicated and simply telling people to feel it has never helped anybody. The fact is, we live in a culture that makes sexual confidence extraordinarily difficult. We’re surrounded by very specific narratives about what sex is supposed to look like, what constitutes a good sexual relationship, and how our bodies are supposed to look and behave. For those who don’t meet these standards (which is almost all of us, because they’re near-impossible by design), this can lead to low self-esteem, reduced sexual confidence, and a less satisfying sex life.